Breathe Again

Get comfy. This post will be lengthy but it’s going to feel so good to finally breathe again. It’s been almost six months since my last post. I’ve been on a writing hiatus and it has taken a toll on me. But why did I stop? And why did I start up again?

In fifteen days, I will celebrate another birthday. I can’t wait! Every birthday is a victory. 
I’m not going to apologize for this feeling. I’m never going to apologize again for my feelings. There are thousands of blogs out there. If what I say today and in the future upsets people, they can go to the other blogs.

If you know me, you will know that it pains me when I think of all the people I know who no longer roll on this planet because of their disability. So my birthday is for them as well. It’s for the Jamie, Trey, John S., Frankie, Becky, Neru, Randy, Nick and others who I considered my friend and are gone. They didn’t commit a crime. They didn’t drink and drive. They didn’t commit suicide. They lived their lives with a physical disability. Now they are gone.

AudacityMagazine.com is my non profit. I founded it. I’m so proud of it. It allowed me the opportunity to work with my cousin, Frankie who had Muscular Dystrophy.  I had the pleasure of working with people who lived with a physical disability and a great attitude. About 14 years ago, things were different on the Internet. Even then, I didn’t want AudacityMagazine.com to be a place of pity. I wanted it to be a place where we could empower, entertain, inform and inspire each other.

Now I’m doing my second biggest fundraiser for it and it’s amazing how people are reacting. Don’t worry. I’m going to tell you how they are reacting because I don’t see why I should keep all the fun to myself.

Remember, these are my observations.

I do most of my posting on Facebook. I have a little over than 1,000 “Friends” on Facebook. When we talk about politics on my account, the people chime in their thoughts. If I put a video that is crazy, people comment on it and share it. But if I say fundraiser for AudacityMagazine.com … guess what I hear? Crickets! Nothing! Silence!

So I decided to say something about their silence because it was hurting my ears. I received harsh criticism from my “Friends”about how I don’t know everyone’s situation. Well, let’s put it out there, shall we?

If someone goes on Facebook to share how they are traveling, their latest electronic toy, recent Happy Hour with their friends and then send me a private message to tell me that they don’t have $5 to donate, then I’m calling BS on that person. Don’t get offended when I call out someone’s BS unless you feel it applies to you. I’m not talking about other scenarios. I’m focusing on this one.

I learned that I don’t do well with hypocrisy. If you’re an adult and you don’t have $5 to donate then I should be helping you raise funds for you.  By the way, I really would do that for you. In the meantime, I say be honest about it. Just tell me, “Nathasha I don’t believe in your cause. I don’t believe in helping people with physical disabilities earn income with your site.” There! That’s audacious! That’s authentic. That’s real!

But don’t give me this garbage that you don’t have $5 while you’re posting away on Facebook about your purchases, travels, lifestyle. Or worse, let’s say you don’t have *cough* $5, do you have the ability to share the link with others? Do you have the ability to ask people in person or via text or any other forms of communication to donate and share the link? What’s the excuse there?

But that’s just those people. Then there are the other ones. The ones who I reached on in a direct message and don’t even have the guts to reply back. What about them? Do I put on airs?

If you are still reading this then you might be thinking I’m crazy for putting this out here. But why not? I mean my FACEBOOK Friends seem to only click like and share when there are kitties, food, and politics in the post. But to help people with physical disabilities without a pity story or an inspirational porn story is like pulling a hail Mary.

From now on, I will come here to post my thoughts on everything. That’s why I titled this post, Breathe Again. I’ve been holding too much inside. No more.

Before I die, I want to voice my opinion on topics that everyone is too freaking scared to say.

How did this start? Simple.

I saw the first episode in season three of Black Mirror. It’s the one mocking social media. My mouth was open the entire time. I was in awe that finally someone else was able to see what I’ve been seeing. It’s almost like a kiss up ladder to social media hierarchy. I love that episode. It was so relatable. Especially when the main character must put on a fake smile and have these fake conversations. Ugh!

About two weeks ago, I was chatting with my friend, Karen. I told her that I was so relieved that we could talk about a spectrum of topics in one visit. None of that fake stuff with us. It’s refreshing. I’ve never done really well with small talk. It seems so simple minded.

The other part that I loved about Black Mirror’s episode was the way people had this need to be a higher number. On Facebook, I see similar situations. This perpetual need to compliment certain people more than others based on their social status. I’ve seen it happen. I’m sure you have as well. But do you do it as well?

I don’t care if you’re the CEO of Everything or just a “regular” person, if I like what you say, I will say it. If I like what you did, I will say it. If I like you, I will say it.

It’s refreshing!

Too many people are worried about what others are going to say. That’s the reason I stopped writing. I was reading all of these advice blog posts from people who said that we had to be careful what we said, that we had be friends with people who have social status. Ugh! It’s sickening. Since I didn’t want to do that, I just stopped writing.

Well look out! I’m writing. Anyone who doesn’t like it can go find another blog.

How did I finally start writing today? My friend, Rich is to blame for this. For years and years and years, he’s been saying that he’s going to start his blog. And every year, nothing. He’s a great guy. He’s smart. He’s funny. He’s nice. But he doesn’t follow through. Today I caught myself realizing that I am not following through. I don’t want to be like that. I want to roll the roll. I want to say something and do it!

So thank you, Rich!

If you finally read all of it, then you will know that this will be the place where I can blow off steam, share my thoughts and not give a rip about what others think. I want to breathe again. I want to feel like I did when my views were mine without worry about how others will think.

In summary, I am not fond of hypocrisy.

Yes, I’m raising funds for AudacityMagazine.com www.gofundme.com/audacity-magazine-2018 and I will do it without the pity the crips story angle that so many people feel will bring in millions! Ha! If I have to lower my community for money, I’d rather keep on keeping on.

Thank you, Rich for the push.

Until then, relax and breathe again.